-Kife in Korea-

2007-01-06T11:34:00.000-08:00

a brave new world...

www.thesquarerootofmetal.blogspot.com

Into the Fray...

2006-12-06T11:57:00.000-08:00

Hmmmmm. Being back in the homeland has led to curious realizations. The bridge spanning from a life of Asian to one of Caucasian has produced rifts in social experience and interpretations.

People don't take care of themselves. Interestingly enough, health clubs and gyms offering crazy-ass deals and membership programs appear to in no way dissuade the population from gorging on McDonald's and denial. This truth is held self-evidently.

Anxiety stems from even the most simple of interactions. Walking around a crowded area and being able to understand what people are discussing and how poorly they are discussing it, is an unusual and awkward event. Additionally, my grade 8 Korean class could furiously outwit a decent cross-section of the local population, not to mention perform any number of tasks with far greater efficiency. They are also affectionate to each other, and don't see each other as potential threats. Many people appear to have resigned these qualities in favour of masking themselves in whatever the latest fashion trends are, and agreeing with their peers that there are in fact problems in the world, but not actually offering or contributing any original ideas or solutions of their own. An entire generation of plagiarism. Or maybe I've just become cynical or too polite to fit in back home.

Anxiety also persists in no longer being able to systematically select my interactions. Being confronted in stores by charismatic employee with a penchant for offering assistance makes me slink stealthily away as inconspicuously as possible, which is often difficult when I'm alone in the store. I absent-mindedly mangle some sentence of broken Korean mixed with jumbled English and stare at the wall while attempting to regroup and formulate a more appropriate plan. Then I casually hum a tune and turn up the volume on my Ipod, thereby eliminating unwanted hassling, friendly or otherwise, and confidently remove myself from the store.

While dining with family at a restaurant offering a wide variety of Asian cuisine, 2 men eating nearby candidly amused themselves by phoning a local business in search of a colleague and to have the phone answered by a Chinese man, who spoke with a slight accent. Several racist insinuations later they continued eating, demonstrating that modern civilization has canceled out the useful and essential function of natural selection.

Speaking coherently is no longer a challenge. The thrill of practicing a new language and witnessing the success or failure of each attempt no longer exists. Therefore, I intend to become severely intoxicated in order to foster a repetition of this type of experience.

The Last Hurrah

2006-12-06T09:24:00.000-08:00

My last moments in Asia were exciting, expensive and thoroughly inspiring. And a day may come when such things can be experienced again.

2006-12-06T09:22:00.001-08:00

a modest engagement of feasting

2006-12-06T09:22:00.000-08:00

fetish gear - wicked awesome

2006-12-06T09:21:00.001-08:00

the real KFC

2006-12-06T09:21:00.000-08:00

Japanese pit of DOOM

2006-12-06T09:08:00.000-08:00

hair power

2006-12-06T09:07:00.001-08:00

shred...SHRED!

2006-12-06T09:07:00.000-08:00

Oathean - simply the best in Korean metal yet again

2006-12-06T09:06:00.000-08:00

cool women enjoy the prospect of consuming your heathen soul

2006-12-06T09:05:00.000-08:00

Min Jae offering metal-sign tutoring for foreigners

2006-12-06T09:04:00.000-08:00

transcribe amazing biscuit

2006-12-06T09:02:00.000-08:00

final view of Korea

Ex-pats?

2006-11-24T08:07:00.000-08:00

I'm become detached from Western people and ways of life. I hold nothing in particular against them, but the Western attitude suggests to me that a lot of people are very insecure. I listened to fellow teachers at my workplace today (not exactly and uncommon experience) discuss how Korean culture is bizarre and lacking and made up of people who are unwilling to accept foreigners. Clearly then, perhaps foreigners who a) make no effort to learn Korean while living in Korea, b) expect Korean people to cater to their wishes because they believe that rich Western countries hold some sway over other nationalities, c) make little or no effort to actually venture out and experience Korean culture, save for the standard hofs and bars that they routinely get hammered at, d) suck, have no method for gaining any entended knowledge or greater understanding outside their own subjectivity. Approaching Korean culture from a Western viewpoint removes the possibility for being able to extend one's own experience into the realm of a foreign culture. This can be a problem and lacks empathy. Experiences like this are not resigned to Korea, but can be found in many cultures in Asia rich in both cultural heritage and language development, yet treated as sub-standard. The whining of whitey's is almost enough to encourage a renunciation of culture.

The book Jonathan Livingstone Seagull relates that after being belittled and shunned from his flock, Jonathan, having achieved something greater than his community could before him, came back to his flock in order to offer himself to instruct those who lacked the knowledge he acquired, but only those who had the desire to learn. In Korea however, many Westerners responsible for teaching the flock are themselves unwilling to undergo any sort of education.

Additionally, I promise to rear my children in such a way as to never even closely approximate the lifestyle of my roommate, who somehow believes that she is a character on Sex and the City.

The Venusto Experience

2006-11-22T06:47:00.000-08:00

For the past 10 months or so, I have had the fortune of playing with the Venusto String Ensemble (established in 1999), an amatuer but devoted group of musicians. We practise every Sunday afternoon from 2pm until approximately 6pm. I had originally joined this organization simply to keep up my pretense of being a marginally competent violinist, however, it became more of a ritual typified by long and arduous practise sessions and dinner conversations revolving around speaking better Korean or English. Venusto was first mentioned to me by a Korean friend whose roomate happens to be the concert master, and he suggested that I come and audition for the orchestra once he learned that I knew what a violin was, clearly being drunk and speaking facetiously. I took him seriously of course, and went to my first practise session the following day.

After 10 months of rehearsal, Venusto staged a concert in Yangjae, a district adjacent to my workplace. Our conductor had selected a fairly wide range of music, including Brahms' Academic Festival Overture, an oboe concerto, and Bach's Tocatta and Fudge in D(oom). Unlike the metal scene in Korea (which showcases a wide variety of talent and style, yet is only menially supported by the public), the turnout for the concert was extremely decent. It felt stimulating to play concerts again, and to be a part of something productive and inspiring.

2006-11-22T06:41:00.000-08:00

Venusto String Ensemble!

2006-11-22T06:35:00.000-08:00

concert attendees Sunny and Yang Mi

2006-11-22T06:33:00.000-08:00

spot the infidel

2006-11-22T06:30:00.000-08:00

dissension in the ranks

2006-11-22T06:28:00.000-08:00

everything will be metal: Team Ultimate Awesome

2006-11-12T19:30:00.000-08:00

like Fiddler on the Roof, only not

Chiaksan

2006-10-30T19:02:00.000-08:00

Over the course of the Korean Chuseok holiday, I had originally planned on travelling to Russia and exploring all of the imperialist treasures therein in order to further inspire awe in a place unknown. However, this plan was forced into remission once I learned that attempting to get a flight even two months before the actual date of departure during this holiday season is only possible if you are wealthy enough to purchase your own plane or somehow bribe airline officials. Seoul population: over 10 million. International Airports: 1. Even with my limited mathematical abilities, I was able to forecast the difficulty involved with my intentions.

After spending some time wandering around Incheon and subsequently boarding the ferry to a nearby island, myself and travelling partner Tomek decided to employ the use of several modes of transportation and just see where we might end up. We toured the Gyonggi-do island for a spell, hopped on a bus, and slowly edged our way towards the airport. Once inside, we bought bus tickets to a place called Wonju, which is nestled among the Chiaksan mountains. One of the great things about Korea is that public transportation costs about as much as a fast food meal in Canada...unlike Japan, which costs about the price of a small car to take a taxi down the street.

The Chiaksan mountains themselves bear strong resemblance to the mountains in Seoraksan, save for the fact that there are many more trails and viable rock-climbing opportunities. Additionally, hardcore ajumas and ajashis (elderly women and men) rocket past you at quite a pace, breathing evenly and effortlessly as you curse the fact that you wore jeans and have the lung capacity of a small fish. Sweating profusely, we reached the summit of the first peak, a 4.6km journey. With this goal achieved, we made the decision to reach the summit of every peak, a ludicrous 10.2km journey.

After much effort and arduous trekking, the Chiaksan mountain expedition was complete. Once atop the final peak, we ate a Bohemian feast of rice cakes, beef jerky, and water bottled in the all-natural, ancient spring-fed slopes of...wherever. Then we waited until the sun set and began our descent in the dark. Taking an alternate route down meant there was lack of clarity as to what direction we were actually heading, coupled with the fact that skate shoes are absolute crap for traversing rocky slopes. Our descent lasted approximately three hours and covered more than 6km under cover of moonlight and soft braying of four-legged mammals. The incident of curiosity versus fatigue played itself out here in the adventive geography of Korea for the Caucasian Earth male aged 19-35. Subtle, yet powerfully visceral experiences such as this always seem to have a way of validating one's sense of restlessness.

2006-10-26T20:08:00.001-07:00

might atop monolith

2006-10-26T20:08:00.000-07:00

Buddhist waterfall refuge

2006-10-26T20:07:00.000-07:00

mountain champions

2006-10-26T20:06:00.001-07:00

the misty mountains

2006-10-26T20:06:00.000-07:00

with a gleam in my eye...

A Modest Proposal

2006-10-25T19:25:00.000-07:00

Korean metal continues to provide excellent musicianship and several unique bands. Additionally, many of the shows are inexpensive, and some are free. I prospose that a job be created whereby I teach them English and simply run around promoting and attending every show.

2006-10-22T06:38:00.000-07:00

feelin' it!

2006-10-22T04:42:00.000-07:00

everything will be metal

2006-10-22T04:41:00.000-07:00

CCTV?

2006-10-22T04:40:00.001-07:00

Sungwon and Sera participating in the gun show

2006-10-22T04:40:00.000-07:00

exercising the right not to participate

LOUDPARK 2006

2006-10-22T04:35:00.000-07:00

Affectionately coined 'The Most Heaviest Show in Japan', the name itself fell short of dramatizing just how excellent this October 14th and 15th spectacle truly was. If I were Joe Siegel, I might make statements such as 'a true tour de force!', or 'pulsing with originality and depth - luminous'. But that's appallingly bad use of good language. So I'll use more accurate and less capricious phrasing- it was "blacker than the blackest black times infinity" (Metalocalypse 2005). And about 10,000 people showed up.

In Chiba City, just outside of Tokyo, housed in the massive Makuhari Messe Hall, 20+ of the world's best metal bands congregated for an orgiastic 2 days of mayhem and acoustic destruction. What makes a metalfest different in Japan as opposed to a Canadian or American event is that the population of those lacking a Y chromosome is strongly represented, and not solely comprised of the 35+ labourer category (I must state that I do hold high respect for this category of metaller). Arguably, a strong showing of perhaps 20% brought the feminine edge into the mix, although the widespread popularization of porcelain-faced androgyny did make distinctions difficult to discern. Additionally, if the Japanese decide to put on a show, they just throw money at it until they acquire enough bands with clout to fill the venue and sell tickets.

After arriving at the Narita International airport, I had a few pre-metal beers with the bro and then hustled out to the show. Dragonforce played at approximately the same time as we arrived, displaying their mastery of all things metal and also demonstrating their abilities of flight, having been the first humans to achieve lift without the use of mechanical assistance (depending on your definition concerning whether or not 150dB of guitar shredding qualifies as mechanical assistance). Napalm Death also championed the stage, along with Arch Enemy and later, Angra. Of particular interest is the mingling of all different genres of metal, from power to metalcore to thrash to death, virtually all aspects of metal were covered. This is unusual because bands like Dragonforce and Lamb of God would more than likely never play together, given the differences between their styles. Therefore, Loudpark was a revolutionary success in bridging the cultural gap between all forms of metalness, leading to unparalleled glory and excellence, Q.E.D.

Upon depleting both physical and psychological energy, myself, Grum, Sungwon and Sung ho shimmied down to Grum's friend Chris' residence in Saitama. Thus, the elusive game of consumption versus fatigue played itself out in the natural habitat of the Caucasian Earth male aged 19-35. Vague memories invade my senses from that night, involving the engagement of a bb-gun skirmish, and including an ambush of the sleeping Sungwon by the not-so-sleeping me. I was later told that I ended my night standing near the closet and slamming the door into the wall repeatedly. When asked about my actions, I am noted as responding with 'I'm looking for Dragonforce'. To quote Hunter S. Thompson, "a classic affirmation of everything true and decent in the national character, but only for those with true grit - and we are chock full of that, man!"

Day 2 began as I realized I had slept clutching the bb gun over my heart in the corpse position. Movement was difficult at first, and concentration almost impossible. Nevertheless, after a brief pause for breakfast, we made our way back to the Makuhari Messe. Bands seen consisted of Unearth, Mastodon, In Flames, and Children of Bodom (as well as brief glimpses at Hatebreed, who ended every song with the eloquent phrase "Fuck yeah!", and Howard Jones of Killswitch Engage, who described depraved sexual themes followed by the phrase "yeah, it's romance" under the full knowledge that not one Japanese person could decipher what it was that he was talking about). Enjoying the quality of music and level of intensity presented was an inspiring and immensely self-satisfying experience.

The following morning (far too early in the morning), I spent several hours with Chris meandering up and down different markets in Japan, and acclimatizing myself with some of the differences between Japanese and Korean cultures. I also spent a great deal of money. Then I helped Chris correct an elderly Japanese man's essay concerning a case study of a repressed man prone to violent episodes in the park, and Sungwon missed his flight.

2006-10-22T04:25:00.000-07:00

human flight achieved. (from http://www.loudpark.com/report/)

2006-10-22T04:23:00.000-07:00

casualties.

2006-10-22T04:22:00.000-07:00

split view inside the Makuhari Messe

2006-10-22T04:21:00.000-07:00

Angela Gossow will eat your soul

2006-10-22T04:20:00.000-07:00

gloryyyyyyyyy (Angra)!

2006-10-22T04:19:00.001-07:00

Anders, just givin' it, with a back shot from the main screen

2006-10-22T04:19:00.000-07:00

Laiho on guitar and badassedness

2006-10-22T04:18:00.001-07:00

righteous crew of awesome

2006-10-22T04:18:00.000-07:00

do it. choose.

North Korea

2006-10-17T08:10:00.000-07:00

"The United States has built a missile defence that does not work, to defend against a North Korean missile that does not work, that would carry a nuclear warhead that does not work. This is all very postmodern."
- Jeffrey Lewis

생각하다

2006-09-28T23:17:00.000-07:00

Having modestly documented an unnecessary number of party and celebratory experiences, I've come to the realization that there are in fact many more important ideas to discuss; living abroad is not simply about finding out where the cool cats party (although in my opinion it showcases a certain level of dedication to Korean subculture and language to do so), but also offers an atmosphere for contemplation, examination and scrutiny.

Recently, at a friend's birthday party, I met a middle-aged Korean man who I became enamoured talking with. His perspective offered a lot of insight into the perceptions that the modernized Korean mindset displays. In our discussion of wayward politics and problematic cultural trends, he wanted to point out clear misunderstandings provided to a culture that is largely subsistent on its own superiority due to a tragic past. (However, as another friend, Sungwon put it, this past really consists of only the last 100 years, not an eternal plague that has daunted Koreans since the onset of existence - his thoughts can be found here: http://oathean.livejournal.com/)

Many native students (as well as prospective adults) frequently declare that Korea is great and that many things found in Korea are the best (patriotism is encouraged in the urban school systems, and a new-spawning nationalism is stirring). However, the question that needs to be asked (and rarely is) is "compared to what?" How do we, as a productive species, measure something like the relative worth of a nation or its people or its creative capacity? Most, if not all of our opinions spring essentially from a comparison to something else. For example, why is Korean cinema the best? Because it's better than Hong Kong cinema. Why is McDonald's great? Because it tastes better than San Geop Sal. Why are the Japanese bad? Because they're not like Koreans. This question of allocating judgement of superiority and inferiority based on simple comparisons is not justifiable; it is similar to the unusual ideas that particular government decisions involve, which attempt to ratify complex ideas and situations into basic ones. For example - Problem: crime. Solution: increase surveillance by installing 20,000 CCTV cameras. This is not an adequate solution, nor has the identified problem been explained fully. The type of information missing is what type of crime, where, under what circumstances, how will CCTV fix this, why did CCTV become the desired solution, etc. etc.

Due to the reflection on particular aspects of Korean history, many Koreans perceive themselves and their country as victims. However, the sons and daughters of WWII holocaust survivors can hardly acclimatize themselves as victims, given that they were not directly involved with that tragedy, which is in my opinion an analogous comparison. However, here is me engaging myself in that same earlier stated problem - "compared to what?". We use comparisons in order to create a scope or climate of understanding so that we can replace our lack of knowledge concerning a given topic using something we can understand more easily. And that's the clincher - we do it because it's easier. The problem or topic we are attempting to understand does not necessarily become clearer simply because we offer something else to relate it with. Instead of focusing on how one particular thing relates to another, perhaps we can examine how it works and how to improve it or make it more accessible. The competitive atmosphere of modern capitalism is strongly based on this desire to compare and subsequently to also overcome. And what this does is remove an essential part of spiritual life, the pursuit of self.

Going back to the idea of the 'eternal victim', growth is difficult to foster under a guise of victimization. How is it that so many young Koreans can adopt a personal hatred for the Japanese? Did the current Japanese population torture them, attempt to destroy their language and force their women into bondage and men into military? Of course not. That notion is absurd, given that those groups of Japanese government agents and officers responsible for past injustices that Korea endured are largely deceased. Furthermore, the current generation of Japanese do not act with overt prejudice towards Korea and its people. Psychologists often offer the advice that, during the course of a romantic relationship, one should not dwell on the past but instead force oneself to live in the present. I think this consideration is not bound only to romantic relationships, but also to cultural ones.

Wonderland 2006

2006-09-17T05:18:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while, different promoters and music afficianados put their collective heads together and work to bring a different type of party to the Seoul electronic music community. The result of this session's brainstorming was a party simply labelled 'Wonderland'. Wonderland was held on the outskirts of Seoul, offering a lush backdrop of natural scenery, open air, and plenty of space to be awesome. After speaking with a friend who was involved with the promotion for this particular event, I discovered that the location of this staggeringly excellent event was a pensioners' retirement facility. I can almost imagine the type of conversation that must have taken place to secure this domain:

Promotion Staff: Hey old timers, we want to commandeer your sleepy little community and install 4 story speakers, glowing murals, offer cheap beer, and generally increase the level of badassedness in the area by a factor of 800.
Old Timers: Only if we can come to the party.
Promotion Staff: Okay.

After riding the rails to the city's outskirts, we discovered that there was a shuttle bus waiting to take all those interested directly to the party. This bore a powerfully nostalgic similarity to the 'magical rave bus' from early days which would escort ravers to special or private parties. All save an' ri-ghteous on da rave-ah bus.

Wandering blithely around the area with only the intermittent pulses of glow sticks being waved around by party people to guide us, we found that there were children as young as 4 in attendance. Additionally, I spotted several partiers in excess of 40 years of age, meandering about and muttering to each other. Due to a lack of speed involving their progress, it was difficult to tell if they were dancing or merely shuffling slowly about, cursing the energetic youth of today.

Two seperate areas were set up; one featuring progressive/deep house, and the other supporting psytrance. Casually glancing at my watch (which read 8:40pm), I figured that intense, psychologically-altering electronica would be a beneficial aid to remaining awake until the shuttle buses return circa 5:30am. And there was Moosehead beer being served.

8 hours, myriad beers, 2 brief naps, and 9 or 10 scandalous dance sessions later, over a feast of ramyon and chicken, we decided that the night was coming to an end. Ensuring that I had captured the essence of the night on my camera, it was time to head back to the magical safety of da rave-ah bus. Hazily stumbling around my area after the bus and 2 lengthy subway rides later, I surmised that an appropriate end to the night would be a complete physical and psychological collaspe on the middle of Yangjae chon bridge. Boldy fighting this urge, I lurched into my apartment around 9am and fell asleep silently cursing the birds happily chirping outside like it was actually an appropriate time to be conscious. Clearly, these avian tricksters had not been to Wonderland.

2006-09-17T05:10:00.000-07:00

foreigners desperately trying to appear more authentically 'Korean'

2006-09-17T05:08:00.002-07:00

hard to believe that none of these people are actually on drugs

2006-09-17T05:08:00.001-07:00

Ethan, promoter extraordinaire

2006-09-17T05:08:00.000-07:00

Dj wizardry

2006-09-17T05:07:00.001-07:00

more mysterious mysteries...

2006-09-17T05:07:00.000-07:00

some girls have all the luck

2006-09-17T04:21:00.000-07:00

morning light

Birthdays in Seoul

2006-09-16T05:16:00.000-07:00

Abstract: Minjae successfully increased his age by 1 this past weekend. He was the proud recipient of many hearty handshakes and words of encouragement, and then set to pounding back bottles of soju. Needless to say, he found himself semi-conscious on the stairs at a local establishment within hours of beginning his illustrious night of debacle. However, in true Korean style, after all of his friends had departed, he awoke and found himself on the stairs and so immediately lurked his way back to the table and ordered a drink.

2006-09-15T07:11:00.000-07:00

this here, quite near, be a beer, I fear

2006-09-15T07:09:00.000-07:00

and metal lives on...

2006-08-28T06:46:00.000-07:00

Kangnam Righteousness Ninja versus Bundang Sweetness Assassin

South-east Asia: Food Poisoning Capital of My Life

2006-08-25T20:44:00.000-07:00

Back on the shores of Canadiana, I was convinced that I had been blessed with a gift from the gods, a gift of epic scope and dimension; the inability to get sick (provided I didn't do anything particularly foolish, such as play with dead animals or lurk around hospitals in the virus ward). Selfishly assuming that all hemisperes offer this gift, I gallantly decided to move to Korea and eat everything. As a result, over the course of the past 9 months or so I have been poisoned by my food:
4 times seriously
2 times not-so-seriously

This adds up to a total of 6. That is almost 1 bout of poisoning per six week period. Emperors targeted for assassination did not encounter poison this often. Nor did peasants eating lizards and unknown fungi in the woods.
Currently, I am recovering from a maddeningly excruciating rebellion of traitorous organs and insides that decided to contract gastroenteritis for no other reason than I happened to order ludricous caches of food from a restaurant that DID NOT have any label reading:

'WARNING TO POTENTIAL CUSTOMERS! - due to the lack of health standards and/or general cleanliness, all items ordered may potentially KILL you'

Such a warning could prevent similar future incidents. However, I am certain that within another 6 week period, provided that I do in fact continue to eat, I will assuredly contract another form of deadly poison or virus. By the time I return from Korea, I will probably be immune to just about everything, save for a well-aimed gunshot to the head.

Everything Will Be Metal

2006-08-21T07:45:00.000-07:00

After maintaining many months with a distinctly non-metal diet of various levels of groovenation dancery and party, an excellent event happened upon Seoul to reverse my alarming trend of throwing the hallowed 'sign of the goat' at non-metal events. The burgeoning industrial community along with a meagre, yet indignant extreme metal community blended styles for a night of metal and gothic rapture. One of the difficulties in being a foreigner is that without a functional grasp of native Hangul, many opportunities to experience cultural, musical, or otherwise events can lead to resources tapping out almost invariably. However, having attained such lofty ambitions and befriending several persons integral to the promotion and contribution to the scene, I was able to attend shows at my leisure and convenience.

The gothic and/industrial scene in Seoul is still in its infancy. However, with each successive show and production it grows stronger, offering more talent, decor and atmosphere and fostering a strong contingency of dedicated fans and enthusiasts (myself included). On the bill for this particular chapter were two bands who I have desperately wanted to see, Desperado and Oathean. Both bands know how and have the ability to rock until the socks come off. Suffice to say, this is exactly what happened. There were also two magicians at the show, about 60 or so Korean fashion afficianados, and Dj Shade from Toronto, most known for Darkrave and similar events showcased at Big Bop and Savage Garden. Having righteous bands drilling sonorous wrath and unmitigated chaos into one's brain can be eclipsed by no other thing, save for a mindnumbingly narcotic selection of pulsing industrial techno (or perhaps Thor and Cthulu slaying a thousand trolls)

2006-08-20T04:56:00.000-07:00

triad of badassedness

2006-08-20T04:52:00.002-07:00

Oathean - black metal
the best damn Korean band. period.

2006-08-20T04:52:00.001-07:00

Desperado - metalcore

Musical Scenery and Greenery

2006-08-13T21:43:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday I attended a magical rave in a theme park by a forest and mountain. As part of a Groovenation promotion, Seoul Land (aptly and clearly creatively named) was decided as the host environment for 2 days of Dj-ing, supporting both local and international talent. Having befriended a local Korean who works for the sponsoring production company, entrance to this event was free of charge.

While the sun remained in the sky, several Djs mixed tracks by the pool and waterslides, which was interesting due to the volume of both the under 30 crowd as well as the family-at-the-park crowd. Interesting to note was the style of beats; electro breaks and funky drum 'n bass. These musical styles are not common in Korea, or even in Canada for that matter. My dance skill was tested severely due to the aquatic handicap, however, rockin' the Casbah stops for no impediment. Then we bought plastic swords.

As evening drew closer, we tried our hand at archery. For about $2, the attending employee offers a compound bow and 10 arrows. Needless to say, this particular event was completely and systematically OWNED. We were rewarded with a righteous stuffed camel for our legendary efforts. With Robin Hood-ing completed, we sought further questing.

Somewhat aimlessly lurking around the park, we came across children of various ages heading home with their families, as the majority of the park rides were closing. At this time, I skillfully noticed that many of them sported plastic swords similar to mine. Insulted by their plagiarism, I challenged such foes to a duel, and one one occassion, all 4 at once. My celebrated prowess with a blade was introduced to the unsuspecting juveniles, however, having already consumed a pirate's ransom in ale coupled with a penchant for wearing sunglasses at night, I was repeatedly stabbed and assaulted, despite having clearly already won the battle.

It was at this time that we were assuaged by the hypnotic allure of the Dj area. Clearly, the synchopated rhythms and tightly timed break-beats spoke"come to my thumping bassline...". The theatre itself hosted a dance floor reminiscent of a large chessboard. The theatre auditorium also had no roof, and so while offering chairs and a large dance floor, there was an open sky and fresh air. Tequila was $100 a bottle, so we were forced to procure one. The ensuing installment of Dance-a-thon 2006 would have pleased Dionysis immensely.

At around 4am, we made the decision (I think) to return home. Having remembered how we arrived, it was a relatively simple matter to determine how to return via the same route. After walking for about 40 minutes, we realized that this mission was a miserable failure. Procuring a cell phone with juice left, we called Sunny for assistance. And then a cab came and the escape to a soft bed and huge feast was made possible. However, waking up for orchestra the next day was a marathon struggle of Olympian performance and pedigree.

And now another week of teaching begins, presenting all of the usual obstacles and regular challenges, yet after spending a great deal of time becoming involved with sporadic and illogically structured events, this type of standardization and scheduling is almost a welcome relief. Almost.

Thailand Travels

2006-08-02T22:02:00.000-07:00

Strange Things Done in the Fun and Sun

After a pathetic attempt to force the body into sleep mode, a 5:30am alarm arousal helped to focus thoughts on catching the express bus to the airport. One of the more enviable elements of the Incheon International airport is that check-in takes approximately 3 seconds. This standard of excellence is different from many other airports, which generally incur a 1-2 hour, piteous wait within the maw of anonymous, frazzled tourists. It is here Asian efficiency pulls through in full colour; a shining pinnacle of engineering and scheduling achievement.

The flight from Seoul to Bangkok was relatively painless, save for a building anticipation to get off and reach the final destination. Once disembarked (notice that in Asia, no inanely conjured word such as 'deplaning' has been created to indicate that passengers exit the vehicle), I asked where I could find the transfer gate to catch my flight to Koh Samui. An assuring "Gate 7, sir" further increased my sense of confidence in my ability to be responsible for my own well-being. Noting carefully that I had a 3 hour wait scheduled between flights, a well-deserved nap was in order. Awaking 20 minutes before my plane was scheduled to become airborne, I read the flight schedule monitors, noticing that my flight was unlisted. I was forced to ask for assistance. A calm and orderly Thai woman explained that "Sir, you're flight is at the other end of the airport. It is very far away. Maybe you should run [smiling politely]." Shocked at the deception incurred through asking for assistance on the plane, I considered this information to be far more genuine. So I shuffled my way down to the other end of the airport terminal. Reaching the checkout gate, I carefully asked the attendant if I was in the right place. He jabbered at me for a moment or two and then escorted me to a bus that was just departing. Apparently this was the last bus carrying passengers to the plane. 45 minutes later, I was inside the Koh Samui airport, which strongly resembles a small collection of modified fishing huts nestled beside a concrete runway. 20 minutes following, I was met by Lynda. It was a strange reunion, to see someone who had I had known well in the past and who had been absent for such a long time since. We spent the next 15 minutes talking about nothing in the cab and getting used to being around one another.

Thai beaches are unusually beautiful. After stepping off the ferry (or perhaps 'deboating', as some petulent bureaucrat will eventually coin) following a one night stay in Koh Samui, we grabbed a taxi and found ourselves whizzing through slopes and curving roads until we reached the bungalow palace that would be home for the next week or so on Koh Phangan. The tide at the resort travels approximately 500 meters everyday, and the beach levels off leaving pools of milky sea water and sand, which has adeptly been named Milky Bay. Dinner that night consisted of eating as much as possible, drinking fancy cocktails, and paying about $8 for it. The expensive part of traveling to Thailand is getting there. After that, options become virtually limitless.

Renting mopeds is the only way to travel on the island. It takes a few minutes to adjust to the ludicrous speeds at which Thai citizens pass each other on small dusty roads with only 2 narrow lanes. However, exhibition of speed followed by carefully timed, skilled attempts at passing help one to feel at home on the road. One point of interest is that wherever a moped is rented from, it must be brought back in the same pristine condition is was loaned in. If any mark is found on the vehicle, the locale of rental insists that it be replaced and paid for in full by the rentee. They take your passport hostage before giving you the bike, and hold it securely until all dues are paid. At the resort, I noticed 3 individuals sporting semi-serious to serious moped crash wounds and bandages. None of whom seemed to care very much. Island life does tend to take the severity out of potentially debilitating situations.

Daily life in Thailand consisted of eating full meals at every sitting, drinking casually out of hollowed pineapples, swimming in the pool oblivious to the world, walking the beach, and traveling via moped to explore as much of the island as possible. One such adventure led to the Northern-most tip of the island, where a person can find a taxi boat, whisking him or her off to an area called Bottle Beach, which is virtually inaccessible any other way. This area hosts what is arguably the most beautiful beach on the island, encased by cliffs on both sides. Another fringe offers a secluded beach with parallel coral reefs offering a trail into the sea. Once there, snorkeling gear is available, and the shallow reefs are prime location for potential fish enthusiasts. At the tip of the shore, there is an almost white sand beach that connects to another smaller island, Koh Ma. After snorkeling, eating, and then laying under the comfortable shade of a cashew tree, the idea of ever leaving seems improbable and preposterous. There are also waterfalls that can be found through 1km or so treks into the jungle and lush tropics of the island mountains. One can also find look-out areas where large rocks have been conveniently found to offer spectacular views of the shores and surrounding islands.

One particular point of interest is the difference noticed between predominantly wealthy European tourists, and the relative poverty of most of the island populace. This problem is further exascerbated when, after offering a taxi ride for 50 baht (which equals almost $1.50), pompous tourists have the gall to attempt to haggle the price. First of all, that price, when translated into almost all European and North American currencies, accounts to about fuck all. Second, to have the ability to make an attempt at decreasing that price without kicking oneself in the face out of sheer spite, is an incredible feat. Lastly, these taxi drivers make a living through driving around tourists who are basically the cause of the island's exploitation. Making an effort to cheat them out of what little money they make in the first place is an exercise in antagonism and overbearing condescension. Coupled with the fact that many people in Thailand speak some English, tourists often feel that Thailand is a place where the local people exist simply to act subserviently to them.

On one particular evening, one of the hosts of the resort offered and rallied denizens to attend a Thai boxing fiesta. This was an excellent invitation to receive. Muay Thai is fantastically interesting to watch, and the local people take it extremely seriously. There are also bucket drinks to purchase, which run about 350 baht each ($10). Bucket drinks are literally a bucket, which is then filled with red bull, whisky or vodka, and coke or sprite. It is truly a dangerous item, one that sold famously. Muay Thai has a long-standing tradition of discipline and training behind it, helping it to appear as more of a structured and noble art, as opposed to the normative 'ultimate no-rules fighting' that foreigners typically find on television.

Back for one night in Bangkok, Lynda and myself traveled to several markets, where one can find almost any item. The most enthralling of these visits told of a middle-aged Thai woman selling a table full of authentically vicious weapons. I safely procured a ninja-star knife and brass knuckles. Then I proceded to play with several machetes (sharpened), a long sword (also sharpened), and a vast array of assorted knives and axes (all of which were fully prepped for battle). I decided I needed photos to document such a momentous occasion. As I was having my photo taken, the kind and jovial Thai shopkeeper handed me a hand gun and a menacing-looking axe. I therefore gracefully accepted and proceeded to wave blades about like a true warrior. Ah, Thailand.

This vacation was also an emotional experience. Many months ago, Lynda and myself planned this trip together, holding onto a lot of both shared and individualistic notions of how the future would pan out, particularly with respect to our relationship, an on-again, off-again experience spanning large portions of the last 5 years. This type of emotional and personal investment has far-reaching consequences and will always affect the ability to make decisions. One can have particular ideas and thoughts while away from someone else, but these can change once that person is reintroduced. Honesty is key, and without it, life can often feel hollow and fragmented, further problematized by a loss of control. The final night of the Thai experience was heralded by a discussion and explanation of feelings and hopes, dreams, future aspirations, all of which were bound together by a base of emotional honesty. It was draining and intense. And we realized and worked through the problems and decisions that were necessary to address. Many people have experienced awful breakups, some have ended on amiable terms, and others opt to hate and vow childish revenge or become wrapped in self pity. Ending a relationship in one of the most beautiful places imaginable is a rare and beautiful thing. As we travel our seperate ways, I hope and trust that this will always be something to look back on and remember with intimate nostalgia.

2006-08-02T19:46:00.001-07:00

picturesque posing

2006-08-02T19:46:00.000-07:00

here's to me and my illustrious life of awesome

2006-08-02T19:45:00.000-07:00

Danish contingency aboard taxi of excessive speed and sweetness

2006-08-02T19:37:00.000-07:00

apparently at this point it is clearly indicated that moving further is impossible

2006-08-02T19:36:00.000-07:00

captains of coolness

2006-08-02T19:30:00.000-07:00

rogue coconut known to incite fear and terror in foreign female travellers

2006-08-02T19:23:00.000-07:00

jungle, clouds, and waves - Thai style

2006-08-02T19:21:00.000-07:00

monumental mountain masterpiece

2006-08-02T19:02:00.000-07:00

temple guardian

2006-08-02T18:15:00.001-07:00

lookin' groovy

2006-08-02T18:15:00.000-07:00

wooes you lie sumting, lie sum ding?

2006-08-02T18:14:00.000-07:00

dock gargoyle

2006-08-02T18:13:00.001-07:00

life is beautiful

2006-08-02T18:09:00.000-07:00

bad man

나는 마신다

2006-07-20T06:34:00.000-07:00

I was reminded tonight of one of the many reasons why I looked towards Asia as a fascinating and inspiring place to inhabit. On my way home from work, calmy waiting for my bus to jaunt me back to my apartment, a ludicrously soused and fuddled middle-aged Korean businessman sauntered down the lane in a haze of his own making, looking idle and pleased. Abruptly, he encountered a group of sociable teens just finishing their oppressive daily academic routines. He stumbled over to them, and mumbled something incoherent to what he must have considered the alpha male. The alpha male smiled, and bowed slightly. The businessman was in luck. And he swayed there for a while, inept, absent-mindedly entertaining and conversing with his temporary chums. Then the students explained to him that their time was at an end and that they must depart back to their respective homes. He smiled at the wall, then patted the alpha male affectionately. The businessman was then solo. He looked around and gesticulated grandly (in his own unique way) at his reflection in the windowpane of an adjacent bakery. Realizing the window posed no immediate threat, he crudely stepped into the shop and swayed on his heals while pointing at empty shelves and smiling primitively.

I can remember similar situations at home, but where the encounter between different age or social groups became a clash of ego and bravado, ending in either macho insinuations and insults or else in a pathetic, drunked melee. Getting blasted after work in Korea usually leads to comical and warmly received attempts at menial communication or else minor physical collapse. The satisfaction of night after night witnessing girls under the aged of 10 walking home after 11pm in almost complete safety, is very reassuring that something is being done right here. That coupled with the fact that no student has time to fight or drink because education is a 15 hour daily marathon. I suppose there are ups as well as downs.

2006-07-20T06:22:00.000-07:00

en garde

좌측에 더 많은 것.

2006-07-18T07:15:00.000-07:00

Lately in Korea, the cycle of nature has entered Monsoon season. This is no trite distinction nor mere label, but a title that describes the fact that it doesn't simply rain during this time, prehistoric watertables are replenished. Case and point: it's been raining for just shy of 7 days straight. The Yangjae chon (stream) and the Hangang (river) have both flooded their banks to the point at which they have been seeping onto roads and swamping local hiking paths. Being an ever-prospective pseudo-photographer, I desired visual evidence. Unbeknownst to me, I had manhandled my camera the evening previous, effectively forever preventing basic system functions. This came as a very great shock to me. As a re-cap, things went about like this:

Friday - went to sleep

Saturday - briefly left my cell phone in a bank whereby a young Korean woman immediately scoffed it, met up with several Korean friends, received information concerning the graphic design exhibition two days hence, called my phone and encouraged a suitable meeting place to relieve an unknown Asian female of her hostage, ambled my way to Carne Station for Charles teacher's birthday, ate and drank and generally made merry with the boss et al, somehow shuffled into cabs and began a torrential tour of waterlogged Seoul ending at club Cargo, stumbled inside, misplaced my bag (on my back), later again misplaced my bag (unfortunately not on my back), paid for one round of drinks, woke up 20 kilometres away in a different suburb in the makeshift bed of Tomek's apartment. Evidence at once pointed to excess and significant beverage abuse.

Sunday - awoke bereft of all nominal motor skills, was forced to deal with the night before's indulgences, fell into the open doors of a bus, awoke at the right location through sheer cosmic will, shuffled again into a club, this time for Trendkill! Korean Metal Music Festival!!! yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! a local friend responsible for the promotion and general knowledge concerning Korean metal offered information pertaining to all that is desireable in that illustrious, grand field of excellence.

Monday - found my way to the Art Sonje Centre, located the graphic exhibition I had been invited to attend, had dinner with my friend Luna, traveled home and fell asleep circa midnight.

...and so now my narration continues. Forced to snap pictures via cell phone, I captured a fairly good impression of the unnatural appearance that can be found throughout many city locales. And then, for some unknown reason, it stopped raining. For a little bit. President Roh has labeled the aftermath oif this event a national disaster, given that so many citizens have lost their homes, and others have lost their lives. It is a topic that I have felt is integral to fostering a sense of humility and empathy in the lives of the students I teach, as so much of their time is wrapped up in affluence, luxury, and pressure to achieve test scores. But life goes on. And so after 1 day of work, only 3 remain until a bright crescendo of freedom comes into full frontal view; a beautiful event offering significant refuge from the madness and sweetness that is Korea on the lush shores of Koh Phangan, Thailand. There will be great rejoicing.

Noticeable Notables

2006-06-28T00:29:00.000-07:00

1.) Korean nationalism is now reaching Promethean heights. With the loss of patriotism due to a veritable blowout of Team Korea by Team Swiss Army of Satan and Rampant Cheating Blasphemers, wounded national conscience has stepped eagerly into the vice of the 'blame game'. Students are seen and heard demonstrating their violent hatred of the Swiss team players, the officials ref-ing the match, and the fact that Noble Korea has been dealt such a swift hand of prejudice by fate. Dogmatic faculties such as logic and reason are often cast aside, as they do not appear to be permissible when dealing with the soul of the nation.

2.) Mickey Mouse appears to be a reigning hero for Koreans. In N. America, he is traditionally the symbol of child-like innocence and benevolence, academically considered the symbol of aggressive multi-national marketing aimed at brainwashing the malleable minds of young people, and therefore not symbols that adults are proud of owning for themselves. In Korea, buying a Mickey Mouse printed t-shirt, preferably marshmallow pink, is just about the most popular aesthetic move one can make, catering directly into the now full-swing operation of Asian metro-sexual trend-setting. I often wonder how easy it might be to introduce any number of silly gimmicks from other cultures upon an unsuspecting public (for example, perhaps the Nazi swastika) and watch in mesmerized awe as it becomes a national fashion phenomenon.

3.) Contractual obligations are synonymous with 'this means pretty much fuck all, you docile, gullible meat'. Such observations are interesting, given the extent of such obligations' function and meaning back in the lands of Canadiana. For example, working in a hogwan means that you get 2 weeks of paid vacation (in compliance with contractual obligatory facts). But you actually get no minutes of paid anything. It's a fun and amusing system of supposed authenticity that is nationally condoned.

4.) For a poignant, super fun look into the nature of weight and neurotic behaviour in foreigners in SK, go here...or perish:
www.clemensonline.com/news.htm

Unit Len Teacher

2006-06-27T23:57:00.000-07:00

I have become a machine. A particularly foreign piece of coggery; a minion; a servant; a slave of epic proportions under the "Foreigners Don't Have Rights Because They Worship the Devil [money]" act of 2006. It is an interesting position to find oneself in. This is not due to a particularly oppressive work environment, nor inability to blend seemlessly into SK culture (beards, piercings and a penchant for sweating alerts locals immediately of a foreign entity present), life itself just overcomes you.

par example: There are 3.5 hours of free time allocated for this week. Do you:
a) run to the PC bang and desperately try to maintain intermittent contact with past friends and family
b) search frantically for people to drink with
c) cry
d) laugh at how lucky you are to have this much time to think about anything and then immediately fall asleep for a total of 6 hours, effectively quashing any number of responsibilities already promised.

The sheer quantity of engagements under any number of headings follows a bar graph with a parabolically rising curve. As all high school math students can realize, a parabola never fully becomes congruent, and another graph must be drawn, indicating speed of aging relevant to ascending parabolic slope. Under this method, age 60 can be approached in a matter of months. I fully expect to be bald and wrinkled by the time my ESL stint extinguishes. I then plan to use the remainder of my life to accost all agents of offense which have led directly to my condition. However, I also plan to roll in a significantly medium-sized fish-bowl of money.

Time allocation is a tricky, evil bastard, guilty of swindeling myriad happy, listless hours of pleasure away in exchange for a job of limitless responsibilities. One's once stalwart chum can become one's occasional acquaintance. To experience the entirety of life abroad, a vast number of sacrifices need to be made, and numerous treacherous conditions accepted.
Language must be learned.
Culture must be experienced.
Places must be visited.
Locals must be interrogated.
Artistic efforts must not be slowed.
Vision must not lose fortitude.

Punctuality and time become constant nemeses.
Operation: Moneyspend becomes an outlet of great release and of great admonishment.
Sleep becomes a mythical luxury.

2006-06-04T09:10:00.000-07:00

Korean attempt at creative marketing

K1 Corea FIGHTING!!!!!!!!

2006-06-04T08:31:00.000-07:00

It's true. "Fight-ing" is a word used to basically resemble "yeah!" or "awesome!" in English. Subsequently, more information was needed, and tickets therefore acquired for the K1 spectacular at Olympic Park.

background: K1 is a mysterious combat sport where seemingly random contestants knock each other about until one is rendered unconcscious, or the 3 rounds of battle run their course. There do not appear to be specific weight categories. Additionally, there appear to be no specific qualifications needed to become a K1 fighter, save for marketability or potential for marketability.

examples: Korea's favourite combatant is a local named Hong Man Choi, a gentle behemoth who towers at the height of 7 "3. The decision to place him in K1 is obvious: even the world's strongest man would have a tough time knocking over a 400 pound slab of concrete. Especially when it has the ability to hit you back.

Pros: Men from around the world entertain the audience by appealing to either nationalism, male machismo/pride, or physical superiority.

Cons: Men from around the world entertain the audience by appealing to either nationalism, male machismo/pride, or physical superiority.

2006-06-04T07:47:00.000-07:00

the little guy is the 6 "11, invincible, bone-rending Dutchman

2006-06-04T07:45:00.000-07:00

gentle giant Hong Man Choi

Mom in Korea

2006-06-04T07:31:00.000-07:00

After growing tired of life devoid of chaos, hardship, and difficulty, my mom decided to venture out into the wild unknown of Korea to reclaim some of these lost moments of gold. This was an exciting opportunity for her to gather crucial data for further research in the field of clinical psychology, what is casually addressed as "why are my kids so weird?", a research focus which will be a crowning achievement once she officially becomes a psychologist and therefore might need be addressed as Dr. Mom. Doctor-in-training mom brought with her a key specimen for this research, identified as unit C, the Geoff organism, a wily, traveling hippy-musician-hobo-subhuman. This was advisable, as unit C lacks the capacity to feel humiliation or embarrassment, a noble trait when one frequently and inadvertantly does something horribly outrageous, as one is want to do when comprehension of foreign society borders on zero.

Research began in a small restaurant that is open 24 hours a day. Here, it was discovered that spice is like a food group in Korea, and that under no circumstances can substantial nourishment without it be purchased.

Monumental achievements were experienced during a brief lit at Gyungbokgung, the Royal Palace of Seoul. It was observed that unit C initiates the 'curiosity gene' in local citizenry, thereby enticing younger members to point, stare, and generally be awesome, as subhuman hippy beings are completely alien to the acute conservatism engendering the lives of Korean schoolchildren.

The most revolutionary breakthroughs occured during the course of a Saturday night/Sunday morning exhibition in Hongdae, the specified "rock 'til the socks come off" district of Seoul. The doctor was unwittingly forced to partake in or at the very least endure such rituals as 'beer drinking' and 'gin-sipping'. The doctor's report was conclusive: these activities have now been scientifically proven to make people cooler, more attractive, and better conversationalists.

2006-06-04T07:30:00.001-07:00

Doctor & various research specimens

2006-06-04T07:29:00.000-07:00

local he-man displaying bicep for further study

2006-06-04T07:28:00.000-07:00

unit C experiencing local customary welcome

Teachematics

2006-05-11T01:29:00.000-07:00

It is true. I have summoned the might of algebra to explain teaching:

a(bx)-c

where a=sweetness, b=time, c=money, x=sass

If the cost of a and bx is not equal or greater than c, then

a(bx)-c /d

where d=insanity

If the cost of a and bx minus c is greater than d, then

a(bx)-c /d= MAD WHACKNESS

Class in the Key of Sass

2006-05-07T03:48:00.000-07:00

Often, the mispronounced, Konglish'd version of English that many students vocalize is more than simply a failed attempt at proper English; it is frequently far more accurate and descriptive then the formal alternative.

student receiving simple instructions on how to write a sentence: "teach-arr! veddy stress-uh!!"
teacher: "yes i see, it must be stressful to fail basic motor skill tasks"

There are also students who have decided that they are the pinnacle of non-native English speakers and subsequently outclass all others humans with respect to everything ever. It is amusing to call these students farmers and gauge their reactions, employing several simple statements of defamation to coincide with each attempt they make to rally confidence.

student: "you know, my dad is soooooooooo rich that he bought me the ocean just for a swimming pool!"
teacher: "really? cool! but it will difficult for you to swim in it when you are writing me a 3-page report on why your head is too large for your body"
student: "and i have so much money that i gave away a billion dollars just because i didn't want to buy anything that day!"
teacher: "that's very generous of you, but all the money in the world won't help the 50% grade i'm giving you today for participation"

The owner of my hogwan makes frequent attempts to convince staff that he is related in the familial sense to money. Which is strange, because as staff, we already know that he probably sweats and bleeds money. So for example, Korea is bordered by ocean. Most of Canada is not. If a co-worker remarks that sushi is notably cheaper in Korea than in Saskatchewan, the boss counters with subtle phrases such as "no, that's wrong...sushi in Korea isn't cheap...it's actually verrry expensive". He will then buy more sushi. A dollar of the boss' money is far more valuable than all other dollars.

2006-05-03T07:49:00.000-07:00

how many young Koreans view Asia

2006-05-03T07:48:00.000-07:00

bus stop beautification

2006-05-03T07:46:00.000-07:00

on my school roof, barbed wire prevents suicide

2006-05-03T07:44:00.000-07:00

drunken elderly Korean men can succesfully raise zombies

2006-05-03T07:43:00.001-07:00

here there be dragons!

2006-05-03T07:43:00.000-07:00

Korean lantern festival in Buddhist temple